Posts Tagged ‘sweet’

Surprise Bouquet

March 23, 2012

Cookie Bouquet From Jana

Yipppeee for me! I knew Spring was on its way, but I had no idea it was coming today.

This amazingly tasty bouquet was sent to me by Bill’s sister Jana, in hopes of brightening my day. You see, she has been worried about me.

Along with taking photos of multiple herbs, various embroidery hoops and trying to figure out what I want to say about embroidery, I have been going through Bill’s last few months on earth. This process has effected my wellbeing in a tremendous way. I am still happy, but the loss is very real and going through this last tax return has been more emotional than I thought it would be.

Gathering all the stuff—easy.

Sorting through the stuff—easy.

Going through my stuff—easy.

Going through Bill’s stuff—hard—very hard.

I could say that I’ve come to terms with what has happened, but then I’d have to ignore the conversation I had to have with myself this morning—and the one I had this afternoon.

It is a very odd place I find myself in. Being happy and sad at the same time. I experienced the same contrasts when Bill was in the hospital and especially in the first few weeks and months after his passing.

During that time, tiny things and big things had equal weight. Emotionally, I felt that every little thing meant as much as every big thing. It’s hard to describe how it all meant everything and nothing—all at the same time.

Going through these documents was like being dragged back and forth through time. I knew where I was when we got this report, made that appointment, listened to that consultation or picked up this prescription. It was almost as vivid now, as it was then. I wouldn’t trade my precious moments with Bill for nothing. I would do it all over again in a heartbeat, just to see him again. It’s just reliving these experiences again without him here that suck.

I knew I would have to deal with this part of the loss eventually, but like most people, I decided to put it off until it was absolutely necessary. Well, this week it became ABSOLUTELY necessary

Along with the sadness, I have experienced great joy and lots of it. It rolls in on big waves. I get daily emails, calls, comments and texts from many dear and close friends. This love has balanced out the pain I’ve been coping with. It hasn’t removed any of it, but this generous outpouring of love has made the tough days easier.

Bill’s sister Jana and I speak in one way or another every day. She is an amazingly sweet and generous woman. When I mentioned to her how I was feeling, she immediately wanted to come to my rescue. As much as I love her, there’s really nothing she could do, other than what she did. She sent me daily emails and texts, but she obviously didn’t feel that it was enough.

So, today she sent me my favorite kind of flower—the cookie kind.

I think the cookie flower is probably Mother Nature’s greatest invention. I am not sure if they grow from cuttings or seeds, but I’m planning to find out. I want to fill my garden with these amazingly fragrant beauties. The bouquet was the sweetest thing ever—just like the person who sent it.

Jana’s goal was to brighten my day and she did so in stellar fashion. Because we are BFFs, I thought it was only right that I share this amazingly tasty bouquet with you—so I took this photo. (Don’t ask for a cookie. Psychic. Remember?) Hopefully it will brighten your day as much as it did mine.

Thank you Jana for making me feel so special. Words can’t begin to express how much you mean to me.

xxxooo 🙂